as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
