I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
