Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
