you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
