yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
