she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
