I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They are going to name an STD after you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
