I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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