maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
