if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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