There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
