This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You pole danced in your parka.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
