on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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