How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He shit in the fireplace
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
