dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
