yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
