My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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