It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
