Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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