Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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