You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
