had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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