hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
