FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm at about main and main street
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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