I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
