I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
