This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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