he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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