I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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