I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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