HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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