I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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