Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
