I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
