Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
