I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
