this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
