i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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