Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So here I am, sexting at work.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
