Small penises have feelings too.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
