Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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