I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
