My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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