i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
