mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
