The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
