i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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