I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
