im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
