Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How does one acquire holy water?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
