I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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