I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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