he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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