ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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