I need to stop coming to work sober
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
