At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
