Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
