yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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