Sponge bath it is.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize