i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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