Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
