The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize