Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
