I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
