apparently the secret to your success is patron
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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