He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
