she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
birth control should be required to get into college
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize