I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize