i think i have herpe
just one?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
