hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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